Romance Scams

Romance scams are among the cruelest frauds. Criminals create fake identities to build what feels like a genuine romantic relationship, then exploit that emotional connection to steal money. The average victim loses over $10,000, and some have lost their entire life savings.

This guide is written with compassion. If you’re reading this because you suspect you might be in a romance scam, or because you’ve already been victimized, please know: you are not foolish. These scammers are professionals who know exactly how to manipulate human emotions.

How Romance Scams Work

Romance scammers play the long game. They invest weeks or months building trust before asking for money.

Step 1: They create an attractive, believable fake profile on a dating site, social media, or messaging app

Step 2: They contact you and begin building a relationship through regular, attentive communication

Step 3: They seem perfect—interested in everything you say, quick to respond, deeply caring

Step 4: They have a reason they can never meet in person (military deployment, overseas work, travel restrictions)

Step 5: Eventually, they have an “emergency” and need money

Step 6: The emergencies continue until you can’t or won’t pay anymore

Step 7: They either disappear or get angry and manipulative

What Romance Scams Look Like

The Relationship

The early stages feel magical:

• Intense attention from the start — They message frequently, want to know everything about you
• Quick declarations of love — “I’ve never felt this connection with anyone”
• They seem perfect for you — Share all your interests, say all the right things
• Eager to move off the dating app — Want to text, WhatsApp, or email directly
• Can never video chat — “Camera is broken,” “internet is too slow,” “I’m shy on video”
• Always has an excuse for not meeting — Something always comes up
• Too good to be true — Successful, attractive, completely devoted to you

The Stories They Tell

Romance scammers typically claim to be:

• Military service member deployed overseas — Can’t come home, needs money for leave or emergencies
• Engineer or contractor working abroad — On an oil rig, mining operation, or construction project
• International businessperson — Traveling constantly, temporary financial problems
• Doctor with a humanitarian organization — Working in a remote area
• Successful professional — But temporarily unable to access their money

These stories explain why they can’t meet you and set up future money requests.

The Money Requests

After building the relationship, the requests begin:

• Medical emergency — They or a family member need treatment
• Travel costs — To finally visit you (they’ll never actually come)
• Business crisis — Temporary cash flow problem, they’ll pay you back
• Legal problems — Bail, lawyers, court fees
• Customs fees — To release a “gift” they sent you
• Stolen wallet — Need money to get home
• Investment opportunity — “Let me help you make money too”

Once you send money, more requests follow. There’s always another emergency.

Red Flags to Watch For

They Can Never Meet

🚩 Always has an excuse — Trip cancelled, emergency came up, visa problems

🚩 Can’t video chat — Camera broken, bad internet, “I’m not comfortable on video”

🚩 Convenient obstacles — Everything preventing meeting is out of their control

The Relationship Moves Fast

🚩 Declares love very quickly — Within days or weeks, not months

🚩 Wants to be exclusive immediately — Intense commitment early on

🚩 Makes future plans rapidly — Talking about marriage and living together very soon

Something Feels Off

🚩 Photos look too professional — Like a model or stock photography

🚩 Story has inconsistencies — Details don’t add up or change

🚩 Responses feel scripted — Generic, could apply to anyone

🚩 Avoids answering specific questions — Deflects with emotion or flattery

🚩 Gets defensive when questioned — Uses guilt (“Don’t you trust me?”)

🚩 Tries to isolate you — “Let’s keep this between us for now”

Money Becomes a Theme

🚩 Has repeated emergencies requiring money

🚩 Asks for unusual payment methods — Wire transfer, gift cards, cryptocurrency

🚩 Gets emotional when you question money requests — “I thought you loved me”

🚩 Promises to pay you back — But never does

🚩 The amounts keep increasing

How to Protect Yourself

Verify Their Identity

Reverse image search their photos:

1. Go to images.google.com
2. Click the camera icon
3. Upload their photo or paste the image URL
4. If the photos appear with different names elsewhere, it’s a scam

You can also try TinEye.com or PimEyes.com.

Insist on Video Chat

If someone repeatedly refuses to video chat, that’s your answer. Scammers use stolen photos—they can’t appear on video as that person.

“My camera is broken” is not a valid excuse in 2024. Everyone has a smartphone.

Talk to People You Trust

Tell friends and family about the relationship. They can see red flags you might miss because you’re emotionally involved. Scammers deliberately try to isolate you (“let’s keep this between us”).

If you’re embarrassed to tell anyone about the relationship, ask yourself why.

The Ultimate Protection

If they truly love you, they’ll find another way to solve their problem. If they only stay around when you’re sending money, you have your answer.

The Psychology: Why This Works

Romance scammers are experts at psychological manipulation. They’re not just criminals—they’re professional emotional manipulators. Understanding their tactics can help you see through them:

They Study You

They read your profile, your posts, your comments. They learn what you’re looking for and become exactly that person.

They Build Genuine-Feeling Connection

Through consistent, attentive communication, they create real emotional bonds. The feelings you have are real—even though the person isn’t.

They Use Love and Guilt

“If you loved me, you’d help me.” “I’ve never asked anyone for help before.” “I’m embarrassed to ask.” These phrases bypass rational thinking by triggering emotional responses.

They Create Urgency

“I need this by tomorrow.” “It’s an emergency.” Urgency prevents you from taking time to think or consult others.

They Isolate You

“Don’t tell anyone about us yet.” “Your friends don’t understand our connection.” Isolation prevents others from warning you.

If You’ve Been Sending Money

This is difficult to face, but taking action now is important.

Step 1: Stop All Contact and Payments

• Block them on all platforms
• Don’t respond to “one last” messages
• Don’t send “just a little more” hoping to recover what you’ve sent
• The money you’ve sent is gone—don’t add to the loss

This is hard. You may have feelings for this person. But the person you have feelings for doesn’t exist. The real person behind the screen is a criminal who has been deceiving you.

Step 2: Talk to Someone You Trust

• A friend, family member, or counselor
• You’re not alone in this
• You’re not stupid—millions of intelligent people have been victimized
• You need support, not judgment

Step 3: Report the Scam

Reporting helps authorities track these criminals and protect future victims:

• FTC: ReportFraud.ftc.gov
• FBI IC3: ic3.gov
• The dating app or social media platform where you met them
• Your bank if you sent wire transfers
• Local police — especially for significant losses

Step 4: Consider Talking to a Counselor

Romance scams cause real trauma:

• Grief for a relationship that felt real
• Betrayal and trust issues
• Financial stress
• Embarrassment and shame
• Difficulty trusting others in the future

These feelings are valid and worth addressing with professional help. Many victims find therapy helpful in processing the experience.

For financial recovery steps: I Think I Was Scammed →

Moving Forward

If You’re Currently in a Suspicious Relationship

You might be reading this with doubts about someone you’re talking to. Here’s how to approach it:

1. Ask for a video call — Not a recorded video, a live call. If they keep refusing, you have your answer.

2. Reverse image search their photos — This takes 30 seconds and can reveal the truth.

3. Talk to someone you trust — Share the details and listen to their perspective.

4. Don’t send money — If they’re real and they love you, they’ll understand.

5. Trust your instincts — If something feels off, it probably is.

Protecting Yourself in the Future

• Video chat before getting emotionally invested — See their face, hear their voice
• Be cautious of people who seem too perfect — Nobody is perfect
• Don’t send money to people you haven’t met — Ever
• Tell people about your relationships — Don’t keep them secret
• Take your time — Real love doesn’t require rushed decisions

Remember

Quick Summary

✓ Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person

✓ Insist on video chat — If they keep refusing, it’s a scam

✓ Reverse image search their photos — Check if they’re stolen

✓ Be suspicious of fast-moving relationships — Especially with people who can never meet

✓ Talk to friends and family — They can see red flags you might miss

✓ Trust your instincts — If something feels wrong, it probably is

✓ If you’ve been victimized, seek support — You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault